Seriously. Today I was walking with Jack. We went on a "walk run" and Lily was not invited.... We just move to fast for the experience to be successful. We need to burn as many calories as possible in a short amount of time. ANYWAY... That is a side note.
'As we rounded a corner with our pond on our left hand side, there were so many Mallard ducks lying in the grass. It was so peaceful. Jackson does not get excited for the ducks. It is like he knows they have almost a "twin" resemblance with their smooth heads. Mallards are wiener dogs with wings. If I had a duck as a pet, I would imagine him to be like my pups. Loyal, cuddly, and SO stubborn. Anyway, as we rounded the literal corner and the ducks were lying in the grass, Jack and I could not ignore the sound of the frogs.
As we turned the corner we could hear the frogs chirping loudly. The ducks lie soundly in the grass while the frogs go crazy. Then, the ducks begin to walk towards the water leaving their comfort spots on the growing grass. As they begin their decent to the pond below quacking a continuous sound, the frogs stop chirping. It truly is the strangest thing when it is like they realize someone may be watching them sing a solo that they know may land them as the next American Idol, but are not brave enough to sing to the casual walker byer. The frogs went silent. The ducks quacked a continuous quack. THEN, all was silent. It was like they were communicating. Suddenly, ONE frog began a sound which sounded like a non threatening alarm, but one of warning for the ducks and other wildlife in the area. The lone frog went from a chirp to a type of yodel. The ducks and frogs responded with silence as Jackson and I made our way through their area. When we were about 1 foot past their pond they began to make their noises again.
Seriously, with their small eyes, can they really see us?? It may be the vibration in the ground, but it was obvious they knew we were there. I believe there is a kind frog and the ducks listen to him.
I think there is something to be said of the kind frog in our lives. The small being with the loud voice.
How many of you know a frog in your life. This person may be a small part of your day but after observation you see how much they have a HUGE impact. Who is your frog??
It is almost 3 a.m. and I am sitting in the family wait room in the hospital My brother had a seizure a few hours ago, shortly after arriving home from an in home party. He seemed sober. He seemed like he was just tired. Little did I know, he had drank before we left for the party and then snuck alcohol at the gas station, then had 2 shots of whiskey when we got home. 15 minutes later, he was seizing.
They say this is from withdrawal. That at his state of the disease going just a few hours without a drink can bring on a seizure. A few hours... This is far as I got that night. My life has been a little different since then but I am not going to write about it now.
Last night I had a realization. After talking to Taite about her view of God and feeling I had failed her in some way, it occurred to me I had not.
I have always taught my kids to be kind and good. To do good deeds for others. Be selfless in actions, and to overall just be a good person.
When we were discussing mission trips and Taite said she does not want to do something like this because God is telling her to, she wants to do something like this because SHE wants to. She lives her life wanting to be kind and good and I GAVE her that. I taught her that.
So, whether she believes or not, she is going out in the world to do good and if she doesn't recognize it as sharing God's love, I still can secretly do that.
She will find her way on her own and whether that path leads to a strong belief in God, or just having faith in humanity, it is her path to follow and discover. No matter what. I am proud of her.
I want a business that I am able to...
When I look at that list I ask myself: What do I see, what am I already accomplishing, and how do I accomplish the rest?
So if you are reading this please know that I have accomplished most already of what is above. There are so many of these things I want to maintain or grow. These things have not come easily. IN FACT, most people are snuggling in their beds on a Sunday night watching their favorite TV show. On the other hand, I have just finished a FB party, booked a party for May, and coached future hosts in how to do things. I have spent the last few years sacrificing time with my family so I can build a life many people want to lead. The life I want to lead involves everything above and the benefit of it all are these things:
In this horrible dismal winter we are experiencing, I saw a ray of sunshine today. I saw it in the wag of the tail from my silky loving wiener. Man I love that dog.
He was assisting me in the drive to school today. Making sure I was watching the road and making sure his human sibling finished her breakfast.
The sun was shinning and it was actually light out. It truly felt like spring today and Jackson could feel it too. He was looking out the window with his tail wagging so hard his butt jiggled, and he kept looking at me while making a slight "whining" sound that was basically asking me "Did you see that?". It was like he could feel the unseen movement of the slumbering squirrels. He could feel them waking up, and he was letting me know he was ready. He is ready for the chase. This has been the LONGEST winter. Jackson has been so patient, but it is time to get back on the hunt and all the gazing up at the unmoving leash is going to pay off because patience and persistent always ends in success.
Jackson's success is in the wait. It is almost time little buddy. Squirrels are coming...
I am the second oldest of 7. We are a blended family and I don't define my siblings as half or step. We are all one.
Being the second oldest (middle child in the original family), and a Libra, I am a natural peacekeeper. A balancer of scales.
I am going to take this time in this entry to record some of the messages I have had to send to my brother. When my dad passed we couldn't find his will. He had taken it and was planning on redoing it to make it fair for his 5 children. Well, at his passing the only thing we had to go on were who he had named the beneficiaries of his money. My 2 siblings who shared my dad and stepmom as parents.
Now, my sister believed they were entitled to that money because of sharing the parents and they did not receive anything when their mom passed. Maybe my dad should have given them each a little something, but he didn't.
It didn't make it right though for the other 3 of us to be left out. You never want death to be about money, but when your sister buys a house and says it is the house "dad bought her", she is too blind to see the rest of us could have benefited from a "gift" from both my brother and sister so we could have something to say the same thing. nope.
We all will split the money from the sales of the house. woop woop. there isn't going to be much left.
My brother on the other hand is spending his half like a sailor. He is not working, has a girlfriend with a kid, and is living and spending like he has all the money in the world. The average person goes through an inheritance in about 18 months. He is well on his way. Anyway, I am going to record some of the conversations I have been sending his way for my own benefit. Kind of a recording of sorts if anything were to happen. I just feel like this needs to be written down.
I am the only one he seems to HALF listen to. I will take that and accept that, however, I wish he would really listen. He lived with us for 2 months and our house is filled with his stuff downstairs, car in the driveway, and his unpaid bills. He went back to the south for a little bit to gather his things and come back up here to live.
So far, he has yet to return. Here are some of the things I have said in the last week: My patience is running thin.
Z: after me asking why he hasn't cleaned out the condo yet. This was his number one reason for going.
Truly solid advice. We were planning on going today, except my emergency card is back in the hole(of course it can only access checking :/) and there's an issue with the water pump in Ranger Ricki. I'll get my new card tomorrow and look at the truck with Mike. Practicality might dictate going on Wednesday or Thursday.
The good news is that we're doing really well. Only smoked weed a couple times, and we've gone out but twice. Having adult conversations, resolving arguments without violence, drinking nondairy milk, looking after Orla, making campfires, playing guitar with Mom; I think you would smile
Making dinner with Tress tonight.
Love you, and I'll talk to you soon.
Doesn't Orla have school during the day? Just sayin... what’s your new plan? Obviously next week isn’t going to work with return with the stall speed you are going. Not a biggie, but I can’t help think you gotta get a job at some point Zach. Probably not the message you want to wake up to, but I’d hate to see you wake up one day to all your money gone and absolutely nothing to show for it. Rain doesn’t stop progress in other things. Regain focus Zach. You didn’t go back to play caretaker. You went back with a purpose. Excuses be gone. Time to play adult again.
He sent me messages with thanks for my concern. Meanwhile, we start getting bills.
Me after I sent him a text he didn't respond to.
Okay. I will try here to see if I get better results. So, I was hoping I was different. That you respected me enough to not do what you have done in the past to both Dad and Claire, which was not respond to messages. Here is the deal Z You told me before you left how manipulative Tressie is and has been to you. I know you have been trying to share how good she is doing, etc.. but it is YOU I care about at this moment. Obviously, being with Tressie has brought you back to a state where for whatever reason, you feel it is okay to ignore your life responsibilities and your family. I can't help but assume manipulation is playing a factor here based on the past stories you shared. We are getting mail and bills here now in your name. Your car is parked in my driveway. Your clothes are in my basement. You are not responding to me, and frankly I am just about out of patience. I do not deserve this treatment. You need to get in touch with me, and not with a "I am life ing" good. Obviously, you are not or you would have completed the responsibilities you went down there to do. I can't help but show frustration in my messages to you because I am BEYOND HURT that you feel this sort of treatment to me after all the love and support I have shared these past few months, and frankly your whole life, is okay. Please get in touch with me Z.
Z: You are right. You deserve better. You've showed me nothing but love and support, and I didn't act right. I know this. Please don't blame her. This is my fault. I love you and I'm grateful for how you've helped me, and without your support there's no way I could have the strength that I do have. You are wonderful and I've wounded you, and for that I'm very sorry. I am ok. Despite what you may think, I, and she have been doing so very much better. I'm sorry, Sarah. I do have my phone, and if you'd like to talk, I will. Please forgive me (again lol [but not lol]). Know that I love you, please do.
Good morning. I can talk possibly later today. I have meetings this a.m. But on the chance we can't here is what I need to say:
#1. I am not looking for an apology Zach, because those are just words. I am looking for you to show me what you say is true. I know you and Tressie are getting along just fine. That is great for you both, but what are you doing? I need to ask. Is Tressie working? Or is she helping in the spending of your "make an actual plan be able to happen because my dad gave me a gift of money"? When money isn't an issue, it is amazing how relationships go so smooth. What happens when you run out? Have you forgotten how things used to be with you too? Please answer these next questions:
2. Is your new plan to have her move up here with you.
3. Have you abandoned your plan of relocating here and you are going to stay down there?
Next, about the money. Now I am not saying this because you left me 25% to split with Amy and Erin, because ONE, you are not going to die, and in all reality, I think you are more than likely going to blow through it in the next few years anyway. THAT is what concerns me more than anything. You wasting a perfectly good opportunity to make a mark on your world.
Do you know, "A dream is just a dream without a plan"? That is an actual quote.
My number 4 question is WHAT is your plan?
You spent your time writing me back, but ignored really anything I said in the previous texts or messages. You ignored everything I asked. You only commented on my feelings, which I am glad you acknowledged, but when you talk about being strong..... I was expecting that strength to be shown in the ACTIONS of your PLAN before you went down there. Not strength in your ability to get along with Tressie.
Have you even removed the items from the condo? THAT was your purpose for going down there, plus saying your goodbyes.
These are the questions I would like to see answered. All of them.
Until I see action based on what you told me you were planning on doing, the strength in your mission of making a better life for yourself has still yet to be seen. I know you have it in you, but this all comes back to the conversation we had about the word RELIABLE. Your inability to make this one of your stronger character traits has impacted so many things in your life Zach (and not for the positive). Sure you can say you are being reliable to Tressie and Orla now, but again, you are not paying rent, not having to work, and really not living in the real world of adulthood. You need to become reliable to yourself and reliable to being responsible. When you have put that together, THEN hopefully you will realize that being reliable to yourself and responsibility make it easier to be reliable to those around you who count on you.
Quit living off of Dad's money and start living for yourself. Make a plan Zach, no matter what that plan involves. As long as your plan is moving you towards a better life, a more STABLE life. Living paycheck to paycheck is for the 20 year olds. NOT your age people. Sorry. I have to throw the age factor in there Be a walker not just a talker.
Until I hear a response, that is all for now.
I haven't been sleep well. The other night I woke up and actually shed tear over the thoughts of my oldest leaving for college next year. I couldn't believe it was 3 a.m. and here I was crying into my pillow.
She is such an amazing kid. I cannot imagine her not living here. What are we going to do? What are the dogs going to do? Her siblings? I am going to be really sad :(
You also need to know, John snowblowed a path for the pups in our yard. Jackson ran outside and ran and ran around the path. He was SO happy. Lily put her paws on the top of the path to see who she can bark at. Oh my goodness. There is just SO much snow. I will try and take a pic tomorrow to add to this one.
If Kaia and I hadn't googled how to say Colorado, we would have never known it was Rado NOT RAHHdo. If John and I had not found the cell phone at the vineyard in Napa, started taking pictures of ourselves, ,and had the intoxicated phone owner figure out we were taking selfies with her phone, we would have never learned that Oregon is pronounced :Or - i - gan and not ore-i-gone. It is these little life circumstances that help to create who we are when communicating with others...