So, just for the record.  I started taking a new vitamin from a company that says their products work. It changed my brain.  I started feeling dizzy. I started feeling like I had vertigo. I went off the vitamin, but I am still feeling the vertigo. I am scared to tell the doctor about it because I fear there may be something more serious. However, I should tell the doctor because then if there is something more serious, I can get help. I live for the most part, daily without constant vertigo, I feel like it may be getting worse. I don't like this. I just wanted to get that on record. 

Sometimes it is difficult to see what is right in front of you.  Today when Jackson and I were walking, we decided to take a different path.  The first thing I noticed was a red cardinal.  I took this as a sign that my dad was saying COME ON...  Get writing!!! "I know, I know", I said in my mind as I always do when I am reminded of what I NEED to be doing.  

I started the walk without my phone because I wanted to think of the training I have to record for my monthly meeting on Sunday. Then as I watched my dog walk PAST a bunny who was quietly eating grass 10 feet way, it occurred to me.  Sometimes it is difficult to see what is RIGHT IN YOUR VIEW.  This inspired me and made my mind start to think on a different path.

Jackson is always looking for squirrels.  He LIVES to see one run across the road, run up a tree, sit on the fence, ANYTHING.  He is always looking.  ALWAYS.  However, when he missed seeing this bunny today (now keep in mind, it is a dachsunds innate sense to hunt rabbits), I realized how this applies to so many people and so many areas of life.  How many people are out there looking for something.  They think they have the answer, think they know what they need, when really the answer is right in front of them, but is so subtle they easily miss it.  I know I am guilty of that.

Currently, my company is doing a special promotion sign on month. This is an opportunity to invite people to be part of an amazing company with a heart felt mission.  It is a time where "CHANGE MAKING" happens, just by saying the words "Have you ever thought about getting paid for talking about something you love?"  OR, "You know, you would be really good at sharing these products. Have you ever considered trying out the business"?  It is a time to not be picky about who you offer and ask, and it actually helps people who are less confident in offering the biz in the first place.  SO, why the bunny story?  Well, I think people are looking for "certain" types of people (squirrels) to invite to their team.  They look at someone, decide before they ask; that person doesn't have the right "look", or " they seem to busy", or "they seem a little a little too good for their own britches" (I sounded like my mom there).  Point being, NEVER JUDGE A BOOK BY IT'S COVER.  Just because people may seem to have it all together on the outside, it does not mean they do on the inside.  You never know who is; trying to make ends meet, trying to find something for themselves, one or 2 paychecks away from bankruptcy. We don't know who these people are.  We don't know who has a  kid at home with allergies and they have tried everything without success.  We just don't know who is going to FLY with the business and how their life will be changed.  We just don't know. Think about this... Don't just look for the energetic squirrel.  Watch for the quiet bunny.  Jackson was looking for the squirrel he could chase.  What he missed was the bunny who hops faster and can jump higher than any squirrel.  Open your range of sight to see what or WHO you are missing that may be quietly watching you and just waiting for you to engage them in a thrilling new adventure.  We as people can all be CHANGE MAKERS.  How many lives are you going to change?

My team is going for a big promotion.  Vice President Sales Leader.  Yes, That is what the title of our team will be. HOWEVER, I get to carry that title personally and represent my team.  I get to rally everyone, get them excited, and give them the WANT to want to do this.  I get to, or should I say, I HAVE to ask 200 girls to place an order of $250...  In my head, I know they should just do it right?  Well, not everyone sees the value of this, and I want to tell them and remind them of when they started and the time I invested in them to help get them started. This is just a part of being on a team like this.  This is part of the job and privilege of getting the discount.  However, it is not this easy and I was reminded of that today by Jackson.  

The last time I wrote in this blog about Jack was when he spotted a squirrel.  He as SO excited!  The squirrels were back.  Well, I live in Minnesota and it got cold again, so the squirrels went back into hiding.  However, Jackson remembers that day and now every day we drive in the car and pass the corner where he saw the squirrel, he begins to whine.  For the rest of our short car ride to get his human siblings to school he stares out the window, shaking, whining, and watching the side of the road with his head and eyes, starting at the front of the window and moving towards the back of the window. Back and forth, back and forth. He has a slight wag in his tail showing he is still happy, but his confidence is a little waned. He caught a glimpse, and now he is just waiting AND waiting to catch that glimpse again so his hope is renewed and he is confident the squirrel population is not extinct just because he wants them SO bad.

It occurred to me this is how I feel this month during the promotion.  Back in December, I caught a glimmer of hope that this team was indeed ready to promote.  There was hope with the numbers coming in and the interest to place orders.  I saw the team come to life and I began to believe this was possible.  

Now, here I am, in the middle of the month 25% of the way there, and I feel like that whiny squirrel hunting dog, looking out of the window with a slight wag in my tail, just waiting to see movement.  ANY type of movement.  I want so hard to believe this is going to happen, but when I have to put my faith in so many other people and have faith they are going to see the big picture and WANT to come through for not only the team, but myself, I start to get a little nervous.  I may not show it to the outside world.  My smile is like the slight wag of Jack's tail.  I am not unhappy, I am not losing hope, but I am just a little nervous about the squirrel population being extinct because I want this so bad...  

I know I need to let go and "LET GOD" and I am trying.  So, GOD, if you are reading this, please show me a sign that this promotion is indeed going to happen and this is the right direction in the path I am supposed to take.  Amen.

I love when I look out at night in the winter and the snow is falling, the trees are covered, and it looks like a faint version of daylight outside when it is really almost midnight.  it is so peaceful.

I am sad, mad, crabby, angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, pissed off, and just not happy today.  I am in a funk and I want to get out of it, but don't know how to right now.  frustrated.  I just want a waterfall of happiness, good news, positive business, and huge cash flow to just come our way.  

Oh my little happy fairies, can you fly some joy my way.  

Winter is difficult in Minnesota.  Especially if you are a small dog with not a lot of fur to keep you warm, and have a Human Mom who doesn't buy you boots or put your coat on for quick outside bathroom breaks.  Brrr.

Today it was 2 degrees.  Seriously.  I just got back from a trip to Panama, and it is 2.  We may get to 15 today.  Anyway, after a HORRIBLE January starting with my precious dad passing suddenly.....  I now have to basically begin 2018 over.  

My dad always told me I needed to write.  He was a writer and would share those writings with me.  He saw something similar in me and I totally agree, because I HAVE always been a writer, and a creator. I need to make more of an intentional effort to write everyday. I have a little journal now, so I can write with actual pen when I don't feel like typing.  Today, I bring my writing back to Jackson, my faithful furry friend who I love DEARLY and missed a lot during my absence in January.  

Now, the squirrels in MN basically hibernate in December and January.  They start to appear at the end of January a little more, and in February when the weather starts to get into the teens and 20's more, you will see them frolicking in the snows and chasing each other hoping from branch to branch in the trees.  

Jackson and I do not do a lot of walking in the winter.  I have a circulation condition that causes my extremities to freeze and it is really uncomfortable, so Jackson's main excitement comes in the mornings on our rides to school to drop of his human siblings. I do need to mention, his sweet doggy sister, Lily isn't invited on these car trips, because if you remember, she has extreme anxiety and fear and car rides are very difficult for both of us.  

So, back to Jack.  He goes outside for his morning pee. The sun has already started to rise, so it is light out (different from this time of day in the previous 2 months).  My husband John, is watching him and all of a sudden in an excited voice says, "oh my gosh, there's a squirrel!".  Well, this causes all of us to go running to the window to watch.  It is like a first robin sighting in the spring time.  The squirrels are back!  Jackson goes from "pee" position to alert squirrel hunting position. His ears prick up, his body tenses, his tail is straight behind his sleek brown body.  He is ready.  But then, his paws freeze.  Remember how I said I don't put boots on him?  Well, the little pads on his feet are sensitive. Jackson watches while standing in one place as the squirrel runs under a tree and does not come back out.  If it were warmer outside, he would run to the fence while whine-howling and tail wagging.  However now, he is frozen.  

He musters up enough warmth and strength in his body to accomplish what he went out to do, finish his morning bathroom routine.  He walks sadly to the side of the house, does his "other" business, and comes back in the house.  He seems somber, but there is a glimmer of hope in his eyes, and when we drive the kids to school, he watches out the window alert and ready to see more.  

As I sit here and reflect on this story, I think about my restart of 2018 in February.  What is it that I want to accomplish, where have MY squirrels been hibernating?  Have I seen them appear briefly and had the excitement that my dog has?  Well, actually I have.  Sharing this opportunity with people is easy, but I don't always find the ease in having them sign on to share it themselves.  This is a part of my job and something I should be doing more of.  In January, I had a girl who signed on to share the mission.  She was my squirrel in January. Disappointment and "business hibernation" followed, but SHE was my squirrel sighting in the cold, and for her I am grateful today.  

I know that I need to look out my window with excitement and recognize that any glimmer of hope is sign that things are going to continue to improve and that a positive outlook is necessary to maintain so improvement can happen more naturally and rapidly.  Like Jackson, I will NOT give up.  Things may not have gone how I have wanted them to go these past 5 weeks, but I have been in the park where there are MANY squirrels and I know, there will be many more in the near future.

Today, I start 2018 again.  Today I focus, and today I regain the little bit of lost hope I have been feeling.  Today is going to be a GREAT DAY!!!

I Love that my 12 y;ear old still loves the fresh fallen snow.  Her excitement when her neighbor comes home so they can go sledding together.  She waited anxiously at the window.  Watching and waiting for her to come home.  She is so sweet.

SO, I think I am going to be a little boring here. I am just going to write a little bit each day about my day.  Or at least try to.  November 20th and I am catching up on weekend work.  

I made brussel sprouts and my house smells like a fart.  It is really clean though!  
Back to work.  I think I have to go and through them out first.  P.U!!!
​

This is a big one.  For the FIRST time I saw a glimmer of hope.  I watched my numbers on my team rise, I watched my active number reach 32, and for the first time, my commission check was a little over $3000.  OMG.  My goal was 33 and $3000, but I will take this.  

My team was on fire!!!  I had girls with higher sales than I have ever seen.  I see hope in their eyes and feel it when I talk to them.  There is a good thing happening here.  

VP is around the corner for me. We are building towards it.  I know we can get it.  This IS going to work.  VP in March.  THAT is the next big scary hairy goal, and I WILL achieve it.

My daughter and I had a really great talk.  At first it wasn't.  At first it was a lot of clarification of our miscommunication.  You see, my daughter is the queen of persistence and when she gets something in her head it is hard to get it out. 

Last night when she presented me with her idea and I told her I was not going to support it, she walked away and refused to talk to me.  After spending a day wondering if I had completely failed in parenting, she clarified that she and her friend have been talking about what it would be like to experiment.  She brought it up to me because she wanted to see if I was still open to talking to her about anything.  She felt I was not open after our brief conversation.  

Our conversation led to basically a breakdown of my daughter because she has taken on too many college courses and has joined WAY to many clubs.  She has over extended herself because she is terrified she won't get into a good college. THIS IS A SMART KID.  I can tell her she will get into a college, but she is not going to believe anything I say because it is coming from me. 

Ugh, parenting is so hard sometimes.  

Now, we got things figured out, but I have to say, I know this is not the end of this.  She knows I thoughts and my feelings, but she also has the teenage brain. However, I feel I said too much of how I was feeling based on how open our conversations can be.  I feel I left her feelings on insecurity and doubt.  These are similar feelings I felt growing up and I KNOW how she is feeling.  I am kicking myself, but also can't over think.  I didn't know how to express what I was feeling, so I wrote down a few of my thoughts and had her read them. Honestly, she needed to know.  She expects me to respect her teenage thought process, but at the same time doesn't respect my mom thought process.  I had to explain to her I am NOT her best friend.  I am her parent and I don't have to agree with her decisions. It is my job to guide her.  I think she has forgotten that.  Maybe she never really understood this. 

Now we march forward and continue to move on.  I know this conversation happened and I will forever be on guard and know that the call will come when she needs me to come and pick her up.