But for whatever reason, HE thinks it is okay, even if he says in his sober mode he knows it is not okay.
I Look at what it would be like if John didn't come home and I had no idea where he was. Seriously, I would lose my mind. I wish we were together right now. I'd comb MS with you
Journal this... Start writing now. everything you are feeling, everything.
You will find your anger becomes combined with frustration and then love and patience. When you are finished, set it aside and read it tomorrow. Don't erase. Write a new version. Do this at least 3 times. You will notice your emotions and feelings that are consistent, and you will feel better getting everything in the open and released from your heart. You may not find your peace and your answer, but you will have something to reflect back on when times get frustrating. Your path will become more clear.