Last night when she presented me with her idea and I told her I was not going to support it, she walked away and refused to talk to me. After spending a day wondering if I had completely failed in parenting, she clarified that she and her friend have been talking about what it would be like to experiment. She brought it up to me because she wanted to see if I was still open to talking to her about anything. She felt I was not open after our brief conversation.
Our conversation led to basically a breakdown of my daughter because she has taken on too many college courses and has joined WAY to many clubs. She has over extended herself because she is terrified she won't get into a good college. THIS IS A SMART KID. I can tell her she will get into a college, but she is not going to believe anything I say because it is coming from me.
Ugh, parenting is so hard sometimes.
Now, we got things figured out, but I have to say, I know this is not the end of this. She knows I thoughts and my feelings, but she also has the teenage brain. However, I feel I said too much of how I was feeling based on how open our conversations can be. I feel I left her feelings on insecurity and doubt. These are similar feelings I felt growing up and I KNOW how she is feeling. I am kicking myself, but also can't over think. I didn't know how to express what I was feeling, so I wrote down a few of my thoughts and had her read them. Honestly, she needed to know. She expects me to respect her teenage thought process, but at the same time doesn't respect my mom thought process. I had to explain to her I am NOT her best friend. I am her parent and I don't have to agree with her decisions. It is my job to guide her. I think she has forgotten that. Maybe she never really understood this.
Now we march forward and continue to move on. I know this conversation happened and I will forever be on guard and know that the call will come when she needs me to come and pick her up.