Oh Man. We got an offer on the condo today. Complete LOW BALL, but cash and also our first offer. What do we do? We are a group of siblings with families. We are paying monthly for a place we do not use. The easy answer is to sell. However, there is such sadness for me in this transaction. This condo is a place I LOVE. My family loves. I can't explain it, but the French Quarter is a place I feel brings out the humanitarian in my children. They recognize what needs to be done, who needs to be helped. They don't see the filth, and if they do, they don't "see it". Their focus is on the progress of how help and kindness can be offered. They "see" people. This is a gift I have given them. This is a gift their DAD and I have given them. To be kind, not judge, and just HELP people. Oh how I wish I could go back there right now. I want to help. I will find a way. I think the hardest thing will be that we don't have a place to stay, anymore...
Man it is COLD!! I have been cursed with a Raynaud's disease. I have low blood flow to my fingers when they get cold. I also get have it in my toes as well. This is incredibly painful, and as soon as the temp drops below 40, I am affected. Can I say, this totally sucks. It sucks for my poor pups. Lily is kind of a pansy, so she doesn't seem to mind as much, but then there is the Jack-man. POOR BOY. He lets go of a little steam by running outside often and barking at the random snowflakes or shadows he sees. I believe it is mostly just to annoy me so I pay attention to him.
Children will do anything to get attention. ANYTHING. They will be good, they will be bad. Attention is attention in a kids world. I have discovered it is the same with dogs. Let me back up here just a bit...
In December, my brother moved in with me. Now, I LOVE my brother, but he is living in my basement which is also my office. He has been kind enough to offer me to have my space whenever I need it, but I want to be respectful of him and let him have a space in our home to call his, while he awaits his move in date in the middle of March (PLUS, Brother, if you ever read this, it smells like boy down there).. Now I am doing my work in the main part of our house and have TONS of interruptions every day (not just from having someone else live in the house that is not currently working, but by my daughter who is taking online course, and mainly by my dogs.
This has been a big test on my patience, and also my job. It is difficult to explain, but I seriously need multiple hours of quiet in order to get serious work done. That means, UNINTERRUPTED, no one talks to me, no one asks me to do things, looks over my shoulders while I work on my computer in the kitchen, no one asks me to drive them places, and nobody gets in my way :)
My brain flourishes on peace and being able to get in my zone. There is nothing harder for me than to be right in the middle of something and then be interrupted because I have to go and do something for someone else. EVEN as simple as letting my dogs out because I have to shut the door that gives them access to the doggy door because it is SO COLD!!!
I ask myself, why am I on a rant? Well, because this is the only place for me to really do that at this moment. What does this have to do with my dogs and the lessons I learn from them? Hmmmm........
1. Sometimes I need to throw a "barking" tantrum in order to get attention that gives me the desired outcome I want (alone time, which I know is NOT what my dogs want).
2. Sometimes I wish life were as simple as looking for the ray of sunshine just to lie down in and relax.
Number 2 makes me wonder why it cannot be. Well, because of my nature, I aim to please and with that aim gives me great stress. I try and relax about it, but man it is hard!!
I am thankful for my family. I am thankful I have 3 beautiful, amazing, and healthy children. I am thankful for my loving, supportive, handsome, and "everything I could ask for", husband. I am thankful we have the means and patience to help my brother with a place to live while he awaits his new location. I am thankful that when I do sit down and relax I am instantly greeted by my 2 favorite wiener dogs who burrow under the blanket on either side of me and just LOVE me for being their warm human mama. I am thankful for so much and I do realize that my need to please has helped shape all the things in life I get to list as being thankful for.
Wow. I can't believe I haven't written in here since November. Thank goodness I have my little yellow journal!
I got hit with the tummy bug. I have been working on bringing my body back to a normal state and not running so high on adrenaline. Due to this change, and the supplements I have been taking, I have been sick twice in the last month.....
After 2 days in bed, a lot of trips to the bathroom, and now a backache, I am upright and typing.
Kaia has a gymnastics meet today. She suffered a concussion on the 1st of January when her head met with a pillow and a hidden iphone charger inside. CRAZY fluke accident, but nonetheless scary. I am thankful she is okay. It could have been a lot worse. I can't think about the "what if's" though. I just can't.
There truly is nothing like the love of a child towards a mom and the love of a mom towards a child. I pray everyday my children are safe and live long, healthy, and fulfilled lives. I want lots of grandbabies I can snuggle on (when they are older), and I want my amazing husband, John and I to experience this together.
Back to being a mom. Last night when I was absolutely miserable from my tummy bug, Kaia and I laid in bed and watched a really stupid movie, then refreshing episodes of Modern Family. She has her first meet today and she cannot compete, but can act as the team manager. She asked me if I would be able to go. I told her I would really have to see how I was feeling in the morning, but no matter what I would get her there and the other mom's would make sure she was taken good care of.
This a.m. as I was getting my water ready to drink I heard this small voice from upstairs say, "Mom, are you feeling better?". I answered, "I am upright". Then I asked her, "Is the underlying question really, am I going to be able to go to the meet with you?". Of course her answer was "YES". I cannot tell you enough how this simple exchange made my heart feel. Kaia knows she will be taken care of my the squad mommies, but in her heart she is comforted more by knowing I will be able to join her, and be the one that looks out for her. I know that probably sounds like it's obvious, but at the age of 13 and being my baby of the 3, there is just something so extra comforting about the need to still want me there.
Having said that. I am so blessed to have the children that I have. Both my other babies have expressed the same desire and need to have me attend certain life experiences. Even if I am not standing by their side, just having me near brings comfort to them, and for that I am so blessed to be a mom.